I don’t remember giving Dave copies of the cd compilations I did back. . . when was that when we got our first cd writer? I remember hiring Kevin Condo to come over to our house with his equipment and we watched him write a cd of graphic arts files. It seemed like magic. I did the compilations as “Sam Patch,” because I dj’d a few times under that name, and I named the cds alphabetically but only got as far as the “F Word” before cds were passé. I submitted the Sam Patch series to Apple Music but only 37 of the 89 songs were accepted.
In our time on this planet we are lucky to meet someone who is larger than life, out of the ordinary, like a rich, well developed character from a novel. It just happens. It is a gift. Carrol Hall took care of Dave Ripton near the end and she sent some pages Dave wrote for us. He framed the passages around the two Sam Patch cds. (I made one redaction.)
“(for Paul & Peggi)
Apostle-Pt.1
Collection of dead faces beneath acrylic varnish, begging.
Within slow montage, rack-focused edits from face to face, soundtrack
Of Apostle recalibrates time and tries to repair the damage that MTV
Has caused with the disease of jump-cut it thoughtlessly spread.
When Sun Ra makes his 2cd Coming, I have faith, the both of you will
Be pulled up from this terminal planet and spared from disintegration.
If Death gets to you first, I beg of Christ that you die together.
My concept of True Love is based upon the example that you’ve set.
Your wise smiles ever-floating just slightly out of focus in me.
Birdbrain -Pt.6-13
I am guilty of spousal abuse. I confess this sin to you because I need
To feel deeply ashamed, your opinion of me matters, I have to tell you.
My partner lied to me many times. Fear of getting older, combined with
Drug-induced impotency, used my growing distrust of her to fuel episodes
Of jealous savagery against her. I believed she was fucking around on me
And it caused me to explode into psychotic rage. I thank God she wasn’t
Injured, physically, at least. The spiritual toll is unmeasurable.
Birdbrain Pt.4.0
Your hands are like two shovels/ digging into me…
Apostle Pt.2
Dark Bug Jar circle of Margaret Explosion orbiting wildly as Ginsberg
Was dying in NYC. Grass brownies dropped me into visions of an unlit
Foreign jail cell where I screamed loud and long enough to summon you
All for protection, and ultimately, for escape. Later I drove home
And smiled upon hearing the bad news.
Birdbrain-Pt.3
I force myself to believe in a peaceful afterlife where the secret
Roots of my sins will be explained and forgiven. I will see you two there
Apostle-Pt.1 1/2
I have tasted your disappointment in me. Addiction, like Love, cannot
Be explained or experienced second-hand. I have sacrificed everyone and
Everything of value in the dead pursuit of intoxication. No degree of
Respect or acceptance ever came close to the rush of shame or the high
Of alienation that I’ve wrapped around my carcass for its thin warmth.
I have fought myself, tried to be as honest as I could. Truth is the
First fatality of addiction, knowing that, I’ve struggled to be truthful,
Even though it has cost me dearly. As a young teenager I was asked what
My future goals were during a conference with a guidance counselor.
I answered his question saying I wanted to be the lead singer of a band
And a heroin addict. Gratefully, I never abandoned my Dreams, not very
Many people can claim that, which is nice.
Apostle-Pt.1969 (Rochester, NY)
When, and if, Jimi paid his visit to Son House- I bet he felt like a
Fucking poser. Stretch limo sliding through Niggertown to pay respect.
I’d feel like an asshole; wouldn’t you?
Birdbrain-Rows: G-W(Mezzanine Level)
I had attained invisibilty through strenuous spellcasting and various
Nauseating and dangerous potions. “Look here/To what I’ve wrote on my
Shirt:.” I watched you perform at the ’83 Grammys- front row, center.
I assumed, incorrectly, that Peggy played a clarinet. I had to be unseen,
Due to outspoken contempt for New Wave bands- I was a rabid Dead Boys fan
And risked getting killed if any another scumbags spotted me there.
I enjoyed PE, in spite of myself. Those five Grammies were deserved, kids.
When I realized I was materializing back to visibilty- I panicked and
Quickly dropped to my knees, …pretended to blow a couple of A&R guys.
I think one of them was Xxxxx Xxxxxxx, but I’m not 100% positive.”
Dave, We’ll see you in “the peaceful afterlife.”
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